long time it has been AGAIN! the new year is here and rolling on! My mission this year is to declutter,redecorate and gain conrtol of my house! aka take is away from all the males in my house I AM OUT NUMBERED! First the master closet, however after reading just about everydecluttering book i can get me hands on they all say to not start with your closet. But i can not stand it and have already taken a load of clothes to the thrift store. While i am not a hoarder like on the tv show, i have too much stuff! we will see what happpens with MANY trips to the thrift store and loads of fresh cheery paint. smooches and hugs to the masses!

THE NEXT BLOG...AGAIN

i have not been here in a while. and apparently i am a watcher..not in a perverse way..lol however again id you ever hit the button that says "next blog"? i dont know what order they are in because it will give a different blog from day to day. it makes me wonder who i am after. whos'd "next" am I? it is a peek into the "next" life. cute baby pics of obvious random people,pics of their homes and spouses. its like looking in a crowd full of people and taking a peek. i know kind of twisted. why do they have that button if you are not suppose to click it. or maybe you are suppose to click it idk..but i like to click.. i am a closet clicker

addendum to "it's been a while"

HA HA on me...as it turns out I had linked this blog to FB...so after a morning of tears ,kissing ass to all who i offended. Which i should not have to "be sorry" for any of it because had they read correctly they would have realized that NONE of it was towards ANYONE that I am friends with on FB. My God, the ex-wife's mother is praying for me. No offense to God , but really? My private (yes i realize it is an elecronic blog, however who looks for me? Exactly) mental breakdown turned into crazyness from the husband, slighted feeling from his ex-wife..just on and on . I would have done better for myself to take a pack of smokes and a book and pretend to read and cry my eyes out on the patio. Why did i link to FB? i have no idea and i don't even remember doing it. ugh the insanity of it all! here i dont have to use correct capital letters or spell it right i can just put it down and get it out. so ha ha again ..i have unlinked to fb. God help me if i didnt do it right. AND IF YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR ME AND FIND THIS BLOG THEN YOU MY FRIEND NEED A LIFE CAUSE ALL I AM DOING HERE IS SCREAMING TO THE STARS AND THE ZEROS AND THE ONES...

its been a while.....

I am afraid to admitt that I have become lost in the Facebook jungle. But, I enjoy it. However, I enjoying smoking too. hmmm. In 12 days Ronnie and I set sail on the Triumph. I CAN NOT wait. My parents, for our birthdays gave us this trip. Of course my mouth is still hanging open. 7 days ALONE with my husband. wow. Let me say first that i do love my life, however it is not always the little blips on facebook that tend to make everyones life look like a bowl full of cherries. Why is that ? Most people ALWAYS ONLY tell the bad stuff. But not on FB. Do you think it is a stature thing. You really dont want these people to know that at this very moment you want to crawl under a rock and die? But then isn't that the point of having friends so someone (besides the tear stained person in the mirror)knows just how rotton your day has been? So, then I am led to believe that maybe the people that I am friends with on FB are really friends. Why would you blab blab blab about this and that on there? off of that soap box. I have a huge black suitcase on my bed right now ..12 days ahead of time ...looking for what to put in it. did i say i was ready? i am so ready...so jealous..so fed up..so tired...worn down...i could go on but what is the point.. jealous - i am jealous of the fact that my husband is a upstanding dad and gets his son everyother weekend and sometime many weekends in a row. I am jealous that his son's mother gets the weekend off. it pisses me off actually. not pissed at her, pissed at MY situation. Pissed my son dosent even know that Ronnie is not his father because the pos that i married (aka the sperm donor) has no contact with his son..Is it better that he does not have contact. DAMN STRAIGHT...however i can still be pissed about it. My son will be a better man for it. fed up....i am doing the work of 2 people at my job, which they will continue to do so until i fall out of my chair and to add to insult i will never make more money because i do not have the right parts between my legs. tired.....i think my thyroid is messed up again....and my numbers are off. Either that or not enough rest. i go to the gym 2 times a week and then feel so damn guilty about being away from them that i really dont do all that i should so i can get back home. so do i feel better venting? of course not. could i say all of this to the hubby probally and would i feel better then ? no I NEED A BREAK!!!!!! i cant wait until the cruise until we go and i will sit on the deck and look at the clouds roll by and let the tear slide down my face and thank God . so now let me go post on FB how wonderful my weekend was. love to whoever is out there

Easy Sunday Afternoon

i am actually riding down the road,well ronnie is driving.. taking drake back to his mama, my folks came down today to take me to lunch for my birthday as they will not be here (the Jackson Hole trip) had a very nice lunch and so looking forward to time with ronnie on our own and then our trip to natchez...ahhh. peace comes over me. our time and weekends without kids are very few and far between and we cherish them greatly and i can not wait. hopeing still that steven has fun,however i am ready for some us time. i truely feel like i am where i am suppose to be. hope all had and are having a wonderful Sunday

vacation planned

we have the cutest cottage on the bluff of the mississippi reserved, i can't wait. tried for bilioxi but they wanted way too much money. and if i can ride everyday between now and then and i pass my written on the 20th and i make a city ride with the biker man WITHOUT giving him a heart attack then we will take the bikes to natchez. took steven shopping today with his birthday money he sure can be sweet when he is getting what he wants out of life, the little turkey. Ronnie got a memorial tatoo for his daughter yesterday, it turned out pretty good. i was so relieved that he did't get it on his chest where he had thought about. it is pretty cool in a tatoo sort of way a heart,coss and angel wings and say" Forever in God's arms and then forever in my heart. now the big joke is when will i get my tatoo. can you see it? my mother would just die, she is already convinced that steven will turn into someone that will join a biker gang.i just have to laugh. i am feeling pretty rested and ready to atttack the next week. everyone have a good week

can 5 ever get here??????? we have the grandbaby tonight, i have to get a picture posted. i keep trying to get him to call me Meme and it comes out mawmaw. go ahead and laugh . i am not maw maw. can i go home now, please......

it is 1:50pm friday and i am so ready for the weekend...one month from today "the vacation crew" is going to Jackson Hole to ski, Steven has no clue, i can not wait as i am ready for a break. ronnie and i are (weather permitting) taking off 3/20 and have a 3 day weekend. hopefully that friday i will get to go to dmv and take the written part of my bike test for the state and have my endorsement to ride and then hopefully we will take a 2hr ride north to natchez or somewhere close. i dont know if it is my thyroid again or what but i am exhausted and ready for the break. the sun is shining and i would rather be anywhere then here.

we have been attending Comite Baptist Church(also where Steven is or will be going to school) and are quite pleased, i was concerned at first as Steven came home a couple of weeks ago and said at 4yrs old "ms. carol said that when i die if Jesus is not in my heart then i will go to the devil" , i may be wrong but i dont think at 4 you have reached the age of accountibility. so we decided that maybe we need to check out the situation alitttle bit closer. she and i have crossed hairs form the word go and i am thankful that come the fall he will have a different teacher.

hope all have a good weekend

Feb 14th 2009

today is my son's 5th bithday and Valentine's day. i have a confession. i begged and pleaded with the doctor to do the c-section on any other day but Valentine's day. as it is the birthday of his father's first ex-wife, as the years have passed i have to take that back .. i couldn't think of a better person for him to share his birthday with. Happy Birthday Amy

next blog

ok has anyone ever hit "next blog" well the next blog after mine has a picture of a noose hanging and is in i think some form of arabic. i am scared.. on a lighter note Zack is gone, we took him to Kenner saturday and he will be farmed out to New England. Zeus's demenor has already changed , thank goodness. however i am too happy, ronnie is probally not, can't help it.. OH Oh Oh i recomend that EVERYONE watch FIREPROOF...dvd for rent. it was crazy it was filmed in Albany , it was strange to see places that i remembered and had been to. anyway excellant movie . good for good marriages or even bad

Dog be gone

Zach the Golden Retriever is going to be history come Saturday. A rescue group out of New Orleans is going to take him. He has been to doggy jail twice, might as well call him hoduni. That BLANK BLANK BLANK dog has eaten every plant in the backyard, the corner of the house, every plastic planter box that I own, hose nozzle, the foam of the kids trampline, i have not been happy, the last straw was when I caught he and Zuse(the german shepard that we adopted from a rescue group) chewing on the garden statue that i had given my grand-mother that i took back after she died. That was the end of it. I love animals but on that day i beat them both with Steven' s wuffle bat. Of course Ronnie laughed until I said that I was going to smear dog food on his grill and see what he thought when they ate his grill. It was either the dog or me or a gun, you can not even go out in the backyard without seeing the next thing that they have destroyed. So if the lady in NO does not take him he may not make it back across the Basin Bridge. oh does anyone know of a chemical(no I am not trying to poison them) to put on a rock garden to keep them from teeing in the rocks? Dog-Away does not work.
Work is winding down thank goodness, just a few more schedules to get out. And the first day that the sun is shining and Zack is GONE i am taking a vacation day and hitting the back yard, the front of the house has been recovered from the nasty part of winter, looks much better.

A little Bible humor for this Tuesday

> A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church
> services , when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the
> act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
> (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins
> may be forgiven.)
>
> The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and
> explained what she had done.
>
> As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why
> did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to
> you.'
>
> 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
>
> Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: scripture can save your life - in more ways than one

off of my soap box

as in my last post i am calmer now thanks to some cool air and some nicotine.... this time of the year at my job is relentless(yes i know i misspelled earlier) year end ,w2's,1099's so forth and so on making sure that all numbers balance. however last night i am sitting with steven and he is on the laptop typing and playing pbs games and i realize how much he has grown. when ronnie and i first got together steven was under 2 and just looking at him and realizing that he is growing everyday. it is crazy.. and it amazes me , i just have to slow down enough to watch it happen. well i hear some more numbers calling my name. "balance me. balance me come find 3.18 in 6.4 million" haha

are you kidding me!!!!!!

Everyone has come back from the holidays RESTED!! are you kidding me? I am so over "the holidays". Granted we "hosted" Thanksgiving and then my parents came for Christmas and then New Years was just the 3 of us. I am exhausted, no other word for it. I feel like ALL i did was cook and clean up. January 5th never looked so good. I was so busy i feel like i did not get the opportunity to enjoy being with my family. quick run down
dec 22nd( i think) steven comes home - dogs are out and one is in dog jail
dec 24th - my parents are in my home alone - in the middle of a hot rain storm the a/c goes out in the truck - not happy
dec 25 th - pretty good - however my dad and i are looking for liquer. too many kids
dec 26 th house is destroyed with no survivors...it is raining
dec 27 - - did i mention that the dog that didnt get arrested destroyed our bathroom( a german shephard can break a toliet) while ronnie was fixing the containment wires for the backyard( spent 3hrs looking for a toliet to fit a 10 inch rough in.)
dec 28 - made a 12 inch toliet fit in a 10 inch area!!!!!!

and that was just at Christmas...... life back to normal , please come my way.
not to even mention the unrentless hot flashes that have taken over my life. Calgon take me away. may the new year find you healthy and happy, i am personally going now to stand outside in the cold and cool off and dare anyone to say something about my smoke break. HAHA

thoughts at Christmas

Steven comes home tonight .. finally..he has been with my parents and cousins in Disney since the 12th and then followed by 3 days at the condo on the beach. I am ready for him to be home, however he has had the best time. and so enjoyed the water. My dad took him fishing for the first time in the gulf and the at 4 caught the first fish and the most fish and helped my mama reel in her hammerhead shark which he thought was so cool and then Sunday was their beach day and he decided that he was going to swim out to my dad. no fear.. he did get to touch a shark that day. I hope to have pictures to post from the trip. Christmas time always make me think to that first Christmas with Steven and how heavy my heart was, which brings me to my mother who on the first trip to Baton Rouge played a song in the car "Joy Comes in the Morning", which of course had my crying like a baby,I have been listening to a lot lately along with the Gaither version of " Rock of Ages", this Christmas is also the frist anniversary of my grandmother passing. I am going to try to put both those songs on this post, just don't know if I can do that. But when Vestal Goodman sings her part "When I draw my fleeting breath and my eyes shall close in vain." It gives me chills
Have a Merry Christmas one and all

Merry Snow Day

yes it snowed in Baton Rouge today and only 4 of us are at work. this is Steven's Christmas pic from school.

Exciting weekend...

This is going to be a great weekend, since Ronnie and I have been married, the first weekend in December that we have Drake we go to the Tree Farm in Zachary and let the boys "cut down" the Christmas tree. The first Christmas we were married I actually took a camera as Steven was only 2 and Drake was 6. The image I was able to capture makes me nearly cry every time I look at it. To me it borders on a Norman Rockwell painting. I will try to get it posted Monday. After cutting the tree down we go up to the little shop they have and everyone picks out one ornament to put on the tree. Steven's first ornament was a football shaped pig. I have no idea, I guess he just liked it. I cant wait to see what he picks out this year, Drake chose a hunter sitting on a shotgun shell, Ronnie a motorcycle jacket, and I picked up Santa kneeling at the manger. I can only imagine in the years to come what will be on the tree and the years of teasing over the football shaped pink pig.

Happy Turkeys

Another holiday succesfully under the belt. We had Ronnie's family at the house this year. Our first major holiday in the "new house". 13 in all. Ronnie fried a turkey and it was wonderful, infact there was not the first crumb left. This was my first time to "do Thanksgiving" usually it has been with my parents or at other people's house. Needless to say, my little helper and i cooked stuff until 10 wednesday night. And at 10 pm when the first raw egg hit the floor I knew it was time to go to bed and hit it again in the morning. All in all it was a nice Thanksgiving and could not have asked for any better. ps hope to have new pics soon

Come on Friday, please....

While I know from past experience that I am NOT a stay at home mom and or wife. Even if the money was there I don't think I could do it. There is only so much to clean and so much patience with children and even though all I ever wanted as a young adult was to have kids and do it better then my parents(as we all want to do), I find that I am lacking in the patience department. Which brings me to the work place. While I love my job and I am most fullfilled with my job, my co-workers make me crazy. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is sane here. I can on any given day watch the other 3 jockey for position for "teacher's pet" in the office. It's actually quite funny to watch. Three out of the 4 of us smoke(shame on me I know), so today after lunch 2 of us went to smoke while the other was eating lunch with her boyfriend. So that one is now mad and has her feelings hurt, are you kidding me? I have always been one to speak my mind, somethimes that gets me in trouble and sometimes not. Today in this situation I am reminded of a coffee mug that says"Lord, please keep an arm over my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth." I will have a callous inside my mouth from biting my mouth closed. Come on Friday.

Love, honor and trust

This will be a long one so forgive me. All this week Steven has been with my mother as I have had to be at work for 6 am for for meeting(construction company) so Ronnie and I have had each others undivided attention. Which is not the norm. With my past history I have found that I have some trust issues that I am SOOO trying to work on..Poor Ronnie..anyway at 6 pm last night he still was not home, so I called. I stopped at Walgreen's he said I'll be there in a minute, and sure enough he was, but with no Walgreen bag. Instantly I was already trying to figure out in my mind when I could go through the cell phone bill. He must have seen the look on my face becuase he went right back outside and came in with the bag and sat it on the bar and said"You have got to stop,baby. I understand why you doubt me, but I am not him." Talked about being called out and I hate it, I hate that it spills onto him. And then he said.....I married you thinking that at any moment you would say I am going back. I lived like that for the first year we were married and then I finally caught a clue that you were not going back." So we have both been living waiting for the other to leave when that is so far away from what goes on between us. The things that people put themselves thru. The first time Ronnie ever met my parents we all went out to eat, i was so nervous i couldn't eat, Ronnie was so nervous he ate everything in sight, looking back i am sure it was pretty funny. but at the table he professed his love to my parents and told them that he knew i was his soul mate and that God had brought me to Barber Brothers and so on and so forth. My poor dad nearly choked on his tea. so even with that a grown man professing his love in a public place i should have had a clue then, but that "thing" in the back of my head won't let it go. So last night with tears in my eyes , i promised to give him a break and he promised again what he promised me the day we got married.... love ,honor and trust..