Realizing what God and life have instore....

The boss is out today so lunch time is actually mine....



Four or five years ago if someone had tapped me on the shoulder and said"Hey your life is about to be upside down and this , and this is going to happen and oh btw you will have a baby in the middle of it all" I would have said "ARE YOU CRAZY?"



I have always considered myself to be a strong person and things were put infront of me that made me question my very being. I questioned my decisions, my motives, I questioned God himself. Why would all these things be happening AND put a baby in the middle of it all and other children? What did I do, certainly nothing to deserve all of this. Then Christmas eve 2004, my child's first Christmas, which should have been filled with joy and laughter, everytime I looked at him all I could do was cry, and heavy on my heart was the answer. Though out the whole "thing" I TRIED TO DO IT BY MYSELF. At 37 years old with a 9 month old baby it took a brick to the head rather than all the quiet taps on the shoulder that I CHOSE not to listen to, to FINALLY listen. I finally gave it all to Him and I could look at my son and not cry, I could see that what I was being told was to only benefit the other person, I could live with my decisions, and I could be strong again , but I had to do it His way and not Kathy's way.

So where do I go from that point? I went home and when I rolled into Baton Rouge I knew I was home. Even though I was scared to death , the fact of starting over, no job, no income at the time. Even with all of those bricks ahead of me, there was calm. I found a church , a job , a friend who in his own words" drug me kicking and screaming to the alter". It wasn't quite like that. I will admit that we have both backslid and even this Sunday found an excuse not to go, and here was that quite tap as I was folding clothes. It will not take a brick to the head or another tap. I have learned to listen to Him. Things do not always come the way you want them to, or when, but they do come, you just have to listen and try not to close your heart and ears so much that it does take that brick.