its been a while.....

I am afraid to admitt that I have become lost in the Facebook jungle. But, I enjoy it. However, I enjoying smoking too. hmmm. In 12 days Ronnie and I set sail on the Triumph. I CAN NOT wait. My parents, for our birthdays gave us this trip. Of course my mouth is still hanging open. 7 days ALONE with my husband. wow. Let me say first that i do love my life, however it is not always the little blips on facebook that tend to make everyones life look like a bowl full of cherries. Why is that ? Most people ALWAYS ONLY tell the bad stuff. But not on FB. Do you think it is a stature thing. You really dont want these people to know that at this very moment you want to crawl under a rock and die? But then isn't that the point of having friends so someone (besides the tear stained person in the mirror)knows just how rotton your day has been? So, then I am led to believe that maybe the people that I am friends with on FB are really friends. Why would you blab blab blab about this and that on there? off of that soap box. I have a huge black suitcase on my bed right now ..12 days ahead of time ...looking for what to put in it. did i say i was ready? i am so ready...so jealous..so fed up..so tired...worn down...i could go on but what is the point.. jealous - i am jealous of the fact that my husband is a upstanding dad and gets his son everyother weekend and sometime many weekends in a row. I am jealous that his son's mother gets the weekend off. it pisses me off actually. not pissed at her, pissed at MY situation. Pissed my son dosent even know that Ronnie is not his father because the pos that i married (aka the sperm donor) has no contact with his son..Is it better that he does not have contact. DAMN STRAIGHT...however i can still be pissed about it. My son will be a better man for it. fed up....i am doing the work of 2 people at my job, which they will continue to do so until i fall out of my chair and to add to insult i will never make more money because i do not have the right parts between my legs. tired.....i think my thyroid is messed up again....and my numbers are off. Either that or not enough rest. i go to the gym 2 times a week and then feel so damn guilty about being away from them that i really dont do all that i should so i can get back home. so do i feel better venting? of course not. could i say all of this to the hubby probally and would i feel better then ? no I NEED A BREAK!!!!!! i cant wait until the cruise until we go and i will sit on the deck and look at the clouds roll by and let the tear slide down my face and thank God . so now let me go post on FB how wonderful my weekend was. love to whoever is out there